Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
