Do you still have your period?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
