i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
