i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
