I love black thongs
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I looked at my own cervix.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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