sarcasm needs its own font
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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