Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
