Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
