where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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