Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
