If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
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