u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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