I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
