fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
