We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
