dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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