do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She even gives head with a lisp.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
