It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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