Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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