In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
