i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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