did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
