U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
