Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
