i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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