Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
