The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
