If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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