She's JV to your varsity
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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