I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Watching her eat just hurts me
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
