You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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