the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
