if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
