Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
