remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
foreskin is a definite game changer
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Randomize
