so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
