I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
