Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize