If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
