I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
