I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hippo gnu deer
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
