wat bout pragnant strippers??
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
