dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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