I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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