the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You dont lie about slip and slides
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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