I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
