my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
