So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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