guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
