I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
