what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
