My first STD was from a foam party
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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