Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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