If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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