It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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