pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
