Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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