I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
