3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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