Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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