This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
