My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
