Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
