It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
