sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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