I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize