so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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