And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
