Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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